Do-It-Yourself Centerpieces and Linens

I didn't start out thinking I would be a DIY bride, but this centerpiece idea offered the romantic lighting and colors that I imagined for the reception! 

I chose dyed silk rose petals and floating candles to match our  wedding colors, with white and different shades of blue and purple. We mixed and matched for a fun arrangement during the week before the wedding, around 20 glass bowls in all for the table decorations.  We transported them in boxes to the reception site the morning of, with a note to "just add water."

My husband and I are astronomy fans, so we went for a subtle "star" theme, represented also in the cake table linens:

A sheer gold organza fabric was arranged by my mom to create a folded "nest" for the cake.

For the rest of the table linens, my catering friend offered to rent the tablecloths for the food (indoors), then he would buy enough white plastic to cover the outdoor picnic tables. I just gave him our table count, and the price was included with his final work-up.

We only had a few glitches along the way:

~Some of the silk petals smelled like ammonia when they arrived in the mail (especially the light blue ones), which dissipated after rinsing them in water.  Plus I figured that once submerged at the reception, outdoors, the smell would not be a big deal.

~After the rain that came right before the reception, and maybe some confusion about where the bowls were supposed to go, I noticed halfway through dinner that the outdoor tables didn't have centerpieces!  Instead, the bowls were sitting neatly lined up in the lodge hall....  Bridesmaids and food servers came to the rescue, as they carried bowls out to tables with seated guests-- not what I had planned, but seeing as how the sun hadn't gone down yet, it almost seemed appropriate and kind of fun to "surprise" guests half-way through dinner.  The candle wicks may have been too damp to light, had they sat out in the rain.

~I still don't know what happened to the 72 white votive candles that I bought to accent the bowls on the tables. It would have been best to go over the table decorations beforehand with just one person who could coordinate this detail.  While I noticed a few candles scattered around inside the lodge, my "dream" was not realized. My notes on the candle boxes may not have been enough for the decorating crew, or my plan was overlooked in the haste to set up in time for the ceremony. As my husband pointed out: if that was the worst that happened that whole day, things went pretty well. :)

The Dress

Ballgown, A-line, halter, strapless... so many beautiful options! Silk (too expensive?), lace (traditional, but is it me?), beads (how many and where?), train (how long?) ... choosing a dress in one shopping trip might get overwhelming.  It did for me.  After helping me try 6 dresses, the David's consultant told my mom and sisters, "She's not ready to decide today!" even though I had already looked at magazines for a general idea of what my options were. I appreciated her understanding and patience.


What helped narrow it down for me was a) price (those princess skirts were amazing, but it would also be amazing to save $400 with a smaller skirt!) and b) talking with my mom and sisters about the features I thought were most important.

My best (and last) shopping experience was a trip to an intimate and established Pittsburgh boutique, Carlisle's - nestled in the heart of the strip district between Smallman Street and Penn Ave. (Enter the Big Day Wedding and Events Center and it's in the back.)  It was there I learned that ordering a gown would have taken me past my wedding day, so I had to buy "off the rack." Lucky for me, there were dresses that I liked in my size.

Even though I walked into Carlisle's thinking I wanted a chiffon dress, I walked out having purchased the gorgeous silky tafetta gown pictured above.  And I couldn't have been happier. Maybe it was the older and wiser customer care staff, the less-overwhelming number of racks, or the fact that I now knew what I liked best (non-symmetrical ruching, more elegant and simple than modern and bold). None of the gowns I tried on before could beat the price.

As for alterations, my grandma sewed the hem, so that it swooped ever-so-slightly in the back. I enjoyed the time with her.  I really enjoyed making dress-shopping a family trip (and almost-family - my sister's dormmate tagged along and blessed me by finding my matching veil)!

I went to David's Bridal several times again for choosing colors, bridesmaid dresses and accessories. Overall I found their consultants to be knowledgeable and enthusiastic, but the store was often busy. Same for Alfred Angelo's, though the gown selections in both national chains were great for mid-range budgets. 

Tables, Centerpieces and Seating

Once we picked our outdoor setting for the reception, we decided to let guests seat themselves. Tables on the patio would be reserved for family and the bridal party, while tables in the yard would accommodate friends.  We hoped it would add to a more natural and informal atmosphere.

A slight rain left the benches a little damp.

Looking back, it was a lot of work for for us and our families to set up, and my design dreams didn't all come true for the centerpieces (couldn't find someone to coordinate lots of candles). Our florist recommended our ceremony flowers double as table decorations, which was easy to coordinate.

I loved the 10-inch glass bowls I found on Amazon.com, which the bridesmaids helped me fill with silk rose petals and floating candles for table decorations. They just had to be filled with water the day-of.

Flowers

Once we set the colors for the ceremony, choosing flowers was easier.

Lilies, or hydrangeas? Purples, blues, or whites? How many roses per bouquet?  What to use for greens? If you're a do-it-yourself kind of person, there are a ton of ideas available online, which I used to share with our florist. Seasonal availability may also impact price.

A friend volunteered early in our planning to arrange our flowers, so I just had to tell her "what I wanted."  That was hard because at first, I really didn't know! Lilies seemed traditional, but the more I thought about it, I wanted a diverse arrangement that displayed both traditional (orange) and my favorite (purple) colors.  I imagined pink would tie it together, then starting talking with my florist friend about the types and cost of each.

After our meeting, I knew she planned to arrange:
~white and purple calla lilies
~orange lilies
~roses
~mums (or something like them)
~green "filler"

After I had given my thoughts and desires about my and the bridesmaids' bouquets, and a list of all the people we wanted to have corsages / boutonnieres (groomsmen, grandparents, parents), I just had to trust her!

In the end, I was overjoyed to see how she ran with my ideas:

The groomsmen wore white mini callas, while the groom had both a purple and white calla. Dads and grandfathers wore white roses.

Bridal and bridesmaid bouquets

My grandmother's lily wilted, so luckily my friend had thought to bring extra flowers!

The Guest List

One of the earliest and most challenging aspects of wedding planning is creating the official, the dreaded, the budget-determining, the exclusive... Guest List.


This is difficult for a number of reasons:

1. You and your fiance(e) have different friends, not all of whom know each other.
2. Your family members live out of town and you see them once a year or less. Others, you have not seen or spent significant time with since you were 10, and you feel like they barely know you.
3. Venues will have limits on how many guests they can seat.
4. Parents may want to invite friends.

How do you choose how many people to invite, and how to deal with those that are offended?

I realized that once you have planned a wedding of your own, you will likely be less hurt if a friend does not invite you to theirs. That being said, I know how it feels to not receive an invitation to friends' weddings. (Was it because we really weren't that close, or was it their budget?) It's possible to still include friends in your life, even if you are not inviting them to the event. Christmas cards and emails help. Don't feel guilty about narrowing your guest list to stick to a budget or to suit your desire for a more intimate event, and explain this gently to anyone who thinks you should do it differently.


An issue came up with a family member who was hurt that some more-extended family weren't invited. We tried to remain calm (though we were upset at how this was communicated to us, without going into details) and explained our reasoning, realizing different generations view things differently, too.

I'm not one to go on and on about etiquette either. Our parents, when we asked who they would want to invite, all said: "Invite who you want- it's your wedding!" (Embarrassing story: One summer, I RSVP'd to two weddings, then couldn't go because my work situation changed, and I couldn't take the time off. My family brought me back my place card from each reception- oops! I realized in retrospect how rude this was, learning how caterers may require a number/deposit weeks in advance. I sent them cards to apologize, and it reminded me to be gracious with our own guests who might be ignorant of etiquette.)  Anyway, I heard etiquette can be a good thing to fall back on if someone is bugging you about why you did something a certain way: "That's what Emily Post said."

Eventually my fiance and I settled on a few rules to guide our list choices. We would invite immediate families and first cousins / aunts/ uncles, along with our grandparents. For friends, they had to have been a consistent part of our life as a couple or to either one of us individually in the most recent years.  Inevitably, there were a few exceptions (the great-aunt who was more like a grandmother, the couple I invited spontaneously without asking Josh first). Out of the 216 adults and 50 kids invited, just over 130 RSVP'd yes and came. It also helped that we planned the ceremony and reception for a Monday afternoon / evening.  It was painful to omit some friends, but afterwards we realized it was hard to feel like we spent much time with anyone at the reception because it went so quickly.

People say a wedding is all about you, and while it is certainly an important part of your commitment to each other, it is also about the guests.

Preparing for "I Do"

My hands-on research into wedding planning included a trip to the local library, registering an account on theknot.com and David's Bridal, and looking through bridal magazines given to me by friends. This post will cover some of the resources that were most helpful, as information available for brides-to-be can soon become overwhelming.  Starting premarital counseling at our church helped prepare us for marriage, not just the wedding ceremony.

Library

This trip was spontaneous. I had some extra time while waiting for the bus one day and noticed a library across the street. I soon found myself in the wedding-planning section, after a brief conversation with a staff member. It only took 10 minutes to pick out the books I thought would be helpful (and I still caught my bus!):

•    Instant Weddings: From "Will You?" to "I Do!" in Four Months or Less  (Jennifer L. Shawne, 2003) - This book helped me prioritize a timeline for preparations, with practical lists at the beginning of each chapter. Here's a link to what other readers think: Instant Weddings by Jennifer L. Shawne in Google reviews

•    The Wedding Ceremony Planner (Judith A. Johnson) - From selecting a time of day to choosing meaningful readings, this book had it all -  especially for more traditional or religious couples. Flipping through the chapters gave me ideas on little details, like how to honor relatives who could not attend, in addition to how to order the ceremony.  In the end, I didn't use any readings from it, but when combined with looking at friends' old wedding programs, it helped me think about what we might like include in our wedding. (Available for purchase here: The Wedding Ceremony Planner on Amazon.com )

Looking online, it's also easy to find similar books for short engagements (typically six months or less - ours was five).

Online

www.theknot.com made it easy to create a wedding website (which we used to share information to supplement the wedding invitations - more on that at a later date), to collect ideas for flowers and decorations, and to keep track of our expenses with the budgeting tool.

The David's Bridal website made it easy to learn more about gown styles. Hover and click links provided definitions for terms in dress descriptions like "A-Line" and "ruching" for non-style-conscious shoppers like me. You can learn a lot in a short amount of time without feeling the pressure of a saleswoman hovering around you.

Bridal Magazines

Pictures, pictures, pictures! I tore out the Wedding Countdown page from a Modern Bride issue that helped me remember time-sensitive tasks. Other than that, I mostly looked at pictures for gown- and decorating ideas. Short articles and the ability to pick them up anytime when they're laying around the house make magazines a great source of information.

I later gave some old magazines to the friend planning my bridal shower. She used them for a creative word/photo cut-out game. The end result was a book of signed pages from friends, showing what they wished for me and my husband.

Pre-marital Counseling

By far the most practical advice I can give for soon-to-be newlyweds: Talk about the important and mundane stuff.

How often will you spend time with each other's families?  What do you imagine your budget looking like in 10 years?  Who will pay the bills? ...Who will clean the bathroom?  For us, the answer to some of these questions was "We'll do it together" or "We don't know yet!" But just talking about it gave us the chance to start forming ideas of what "our new life together" would look like.

To guide this discussion, Josh and I read through two books recommended by married friends:

• The Hard Questions:100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" (Susan Piver) - Includes questions for previously-married couples and space to write.While overwhelming to go through all at once, questions are grouped by category (lifestyle, spirituality, finances, etc.) that made it easy and fun to do a few per day. 

•   Preparing for Marriage (David Boehi and others) - This book was part of our premarital course that we took through our church, so it approaches marriage from a Christian perspective, workbook-style, with spaces for answers to questions at the end of each chapter. The "Special Projects" were fun to work through together, even if we completed them individually and then shared answers (sometimes we made picnics out of it and enjoyed time in a local park). While useful for us, we sometimes felt confused by the questions geared toward couples deciding whether or not to become engaged. We'd already passed that point! Our pastor was understanding of the different audiences of the book and helped guide our discussion deeper in our weekly sessions.

One thing that made the ceremony more meaningful was having developed our relationship with our pastor. Even though he was already a friend, our counseling experience provided an extra level of accountability and source of support as we prepared to enter marriage.