Preparing for "I Do"

My hands-on research into wedding planning included a trip to the local library, registering an account on theknot.com and David's Bridal, and looking through bridal magazines given to me by friends. This post will cover some of the resources that were most helpful, as information available for brides-to-be can soon become overwhelming.  Starting premarital counseling at our church helped prepare us for marriage, not just the wedding ceremony.

Library

This trip was spontaneous. I had some extra time while waiting for the bus one day and noticed a library across the street. I soon found myself in the wedding-planning section, after a brief conversation with a staff member. It only took 10 minutes to pick out the books I thought would be helpful (and I still caught my bus!):

•    Instant Weddings: From "Will You?" to "I Do!" in Four Months or Less  (Jennifer L. Shawne, 2003) - This book helped me prioritize a timeline for preparations, with practical lists at the beginning of each chapter. Here's a link to what other readers think: Instant Weddings by Jennifer L. Shawne in Google reviews

•    The Wedding Ceremony Planner (Judith A. Johnson) - From selecting a time of day to choosing meaningful readings, this book had it all -  especially for more traditional or religious couples. Flipping through the chapters gave me ideas on little details, like how to honor relatives who could not attend, in addition to how to order the ceremony.  In the end, I didn't use any readings from it, but when combined with looking at friends' old wedding programs, it helped me think about what we might like include in our wedding. (Available for purchase here: The Wedding Ceremony Planner on Amazon.com )

Looking online, it's also easy to find similar books for short engagements (typically six months or less - ours was five).

Online

www.theknot.com made it easy to create a wedding website (which we used to share information to supplement the wedding invitations - more on that at a later date), to collect ideas for flowers and decorations, and to keep track of our expenses with the budgeting tool.

The David's Bridal website made it easy to learn more about gown styles. Hover and click links provided definitions for terms in dress descriptions like "A-Line" and "ruching" for non-style-conscious shoppers like me. You can learn a lot in a short amount of time without feeling the pressure of a saleswoman hovering around you.

Bridal Magazines

Pictures, pictures, pictures! I tore out the Wedding Countdown page from a Modern Bride issue that helped me remember time-sensitive tasks. Other than that, I mostly looked at pictures for gown- and decorating ideas. Short articles and the ability to pick them up anytime when they're laying around the house make magazines a great source of information.

I later gave some old magazines to the friend planning my bridal shower. She used them for a creative word/photo cut-out game. The end result was a book of signed pages from friends, showing what they wished for me and my husband.

Pre-marital Counseling

By far the most practical advice I can give for soon-to-be newlyweds: Talk about the important and mundane stuff.

How often will you spend time with each other's families?  What do you imagine your budget looking like in 10 years?  Who will pay the bills? ...Who will clean the bathroom?  For us, the answer to some of these questions was "We'll do it together" or "We don't know yet!" But just talking about it gave us the chance to start forming ideas of what "our new life together" would look like.

To guide this discussion, Josh and I read through two books recommended by married friends:

• The Hard Questions:100 Essential Questions to Ask Before You Say "I Do" (Susan Piver) - Includes questions for previously-married couples and space to write.While overwhelming to go through all at once, questions are grouped by category (lifestyle, spirituality, finances, etc.) that made it easy and fun to do a few per day. 

•   Preparing for Marriage (David Boehi and others) - This book was part of our premarital course that we took through our church, so it approaches marriage from a Christian perspective, workbook-style, with spaces for answers to questions at the end of each chapter. The "Special Projects" were fun to work through together, even if we completed them individually and then shared answers (sometimes we made picnics out of it and enjoyed time in a local park). While useful for us, we sometimes felt confused by the questions geared toward couples deciding whether or not to become engaged. We'd already passed that point! Our pastor was understanding of the different audiences of the book and helped guide our discussion deeper in our weekly sessions.

One thing that made the ceremony more meaningful was having developed our relationship with our pastor. Even though he was already a friend, our counseling experience provided an extra level of accountability and source of support as we prepared to enter marriage.